I think a lot about how my children are a mirror of myself. I think this is one of the most profound things about being a parent. I have stood, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, looking at my son and thinking, “I do that. How can I help him NOT to act a certain way when I act that way all the time?” And I am at a loss.
You may have heard of that famous principle of Stephen Covey’s: begin with the end in mind. I’ve applied that principle to parenting. Instead of considering how I would like to be remembered at my funeral, I took some quiet time and thought how I want my kids to remember me as a parent. Do I want them to remember me as a friend? A disciplinarian? Fun-loving? Energetic? Boring? Lazy? Smart? Hard-working?
I wrote down my answer and then made a list of ways I can work toward that end. Because they are the mirror. The way they see me as a parent goes a long way toward the parent they will become.
In case you aren’t aware of my lifestyle, I’m a homeschooling mom with a husband that runs his own business from home. So, yeah, we are all together ALL. THE. TIME. When you live like this, giving attention to one another is something that’s easy to take for granted. We’re always together, so of course we’re all getting enough attention, right? Wrong. It’s almost the opposite. Sometimes we all just feel like a piece of furniture. It takes effort to show people you care about them, even if you are with them 24/7. That’s one thing I really need to work on.
It’s so easy to get sucked into housework, errands, and my love affair with my laptop. But it needs to change. It’s time to step away from the computer. While I love web surfing, blogging and twittering, it sucks me in. It is my “default” when nothing specific is going on, and the time I’m on the laptop during the day is often spent flipping back and forth between Gmail, Twitter and Facebook. It’s not like I’m being that productive.
I don’t want my kids remembering me hunched over a computer, not giving them the attention they deserve. And I surely don’t want them to mirror that with their children. So I’ll be focusing on a bit more disconnect over the next few weeks.
What will you do to be a better “mom in the mirror?”
(Note: Please don’t tell me I am being “too hard on myself.” I don’t want comments from people telling me I’m a great mom and I should give myself a break. I am a great mother. And I’m not looking to be perfect. And I know my kids will develop some undesirable traits and habits as they grow. But there are things I can do better. Things that I truly believe will make a big difference in my children’s lives. Changes I can make so that when I am a grandmother I can look back and say, I’m so happy I dug a little deeper and tried a little harder. That is what this blog is about.)
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This is a fantastic post Shannon. Truly.
I always think of that Harry Chapin song. It’s so easy to be “busy” and not take time to connect with our kids, our family, our friends, ourselves.
I’ll be mulling this over all weekend.
Amie aka MammaLoves´s last post: No Mammography until 50?! Tell it to Her
I think about this all the time to…when they say or do something that is “all me” or “all my husband”…I truly think that life is all about balance…you have to make time for all the things that are important…the balance is in figuring out what needs to go…because we can all tend to be “yes” people and want to be involved in too many things. This, in my opinion is often about either control or worrying about how you will appear to others…if we let both of those go, we will have an easier time focusing on the things that are important to us. Personally, I want my kids to remember me as fun, but firm when necessary, not quite their friend yet (hopefully that will come later) and loving. I really enjoy your blog sistah…it’s so nice knowing there are other women going thru the same things I am! Good luck w/your journey! Oh, p.s….I’m trying to get involved w/yoga to help me in my quest for enlightenment!!
The laptop, oh the laptop! I’m with you on having to take a step back. And I feel the frustration rising as more and more time is given to Holiday prep, shopping, cleaning for visitors, etc. Maybe 15 minutes every morning and then shut it down? Is that possible?
I think I need a 12-step program. Cold turkey is going to be difficult. But you’re so right. And my back hurts from the hunching anyway.
Shutting down…
em´s last post: Once again busting out the trench coat and Jackie O sunglasses.
My husband has been telling me for yrs…”you need to plan your day hr by hr” and even though I haven’t actually done it, I know he’s right. You have to schedule it ALL in, even time unplugged w/the kids…that way you are able to get it all done. But, the trick will be that you need to stick to the time frames you have alloted for ea. thing. I need to finally bite the bullet and do it…I know we’ll all be happy w/the results!
Twitter: shannonentin
11.21.09 at 10:39 am
You guys are so right. I’ve read a lot of places that scheduling EVERYTHING is the key to success. That is SO hard for me because we homeschool and have a really flexible lifestyle. There’s no semblance of “routine.” I need a 12 step program, too! This is something I’ve been working on though. Will post about it in the near future.
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Twitter: handshouseheart
11.28.09 at 3:11 pm
I haven’t ’signed in’ at SITS, sometimes I just don’t lol…but this is an awesome post. It is VERY easy to get sucked in and just sit on this computer all day….but we have to know when enough is enough…or our children will be just what we don’t want them to be.
Kristen´s last post: Thanksgiving
Yours is a very timely post. I have been trying to take a step back and focus more on me and making sure to plug myself in more with my family then anything else. It’s not always as easy as it should be but it’s always is worth it. Thank you…
Mindi @ B.A. Bookworm´s last post: Release Your Inner Feelings
very wise post.I will be thinking about this
What you have said is so true. I sometimes feel I take my family for granted and it really takes a conscious effort to show concern and not spend most of my time in front of my laptop (yes, I’m guilty of this too!).
Visiting from SITS! I often catch myself doing things that I shouldn’t and then looking at my kids and thinking where did they learn that crap from (and it was from me). This is a good reminder to look at myself and improve my behavior if I want them to improve theirs. Thanks!
I’ll be back later to read some more…I’m liking your blog.
Charlene ´s last post: O Christmas Tree
I see my kid mirroring my language constantly. I’m not talking about “bad” or “foul” language because swearing never really stuck with me. I’m talking about her saying things like “apparently” and “actually” and “the people that live here are nasty pigs.” (Really they are, they don’t pick up their dog poo.) I have to really listen to myself and think about how it’s going to sound when it comes out of the 4-year-old’s mouth.
I know that’s only one little component of what you were talking about – it’s just the first thing that came to my mind!
Joey´s last post: Pack it up!
Oh so true …. doesn’t matter what age they are, they become little mini me’s. I often look at my daughter and think ’she looks like her dad but she sounds like me’. I know when I say to her that she needs to turn the TV off and get outside into the sunshine, I’m really saying we both need to switch off and go do something – coz she was on the TV coz I was on the computer, both disengaging!
Thanks for a great post, I enjoyed the read.
:) Marcia
What a great post. You really helped me put some things into perspective. It was well written and the idea of acting with the end in mind is really important in parenting.
I know what you mean. (I have five children from 10-20 yrs.) I have to be aware of my laptop time as well.
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